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Sunday the 23rd of November 2014

07:51:00 PM

A Lot To Answer For And Ballater

So we have Bill Cosby, one of my favourite TV dad's. The all American dad, the man in fuzzy sweaters who could make anything funny, is now accused of rape.


Not by one woman, or another woman who 'jumped on the band wagon' as some internet trolls like to call victims, but a slew of women working in the business. What does Bill do? He refuses to discuss it. Refusing to speak seems like the best way to avoid discussion. It has been used a million times historically, the best way to avoid a situation is to 'not talk about it' according to Bill.


When my daughter was four I caught her throwing talcum down the toilet, the whole thing splattered the loo and the floor. She didn't want to talk about it. I accepted she knew it was wrong as she was four years old and slunk off looking for a teddy bear to be her lawyer who would assure her 'not talking about it' was a great defence. Her face spoke volumes.


Bill Cosby's face on the latest Associated Press's video looks much of the same. Except Bill never threw talcum about the toilet to resemble the final scene of Scarface, he is accused of raping multiple victims.


When will he speak out? The New York Daily News printed a front cover today saying "It's Time For America's Dad To Talk" so it's not going away.....come on Bill. Speak.


I am currently writing this blog from Ballater, me and my pal Shirley are having a week at the timeshare lodge at Craigendarroch. It's basically a huge complex of country lodges beside a big hotel with a swimming pool nestled on the hill above Ballater. It's Royal country, all the shops vie for who has the biggest royal seal of approval above their wee blue door. There are faded photos in windows of Diana clutching a bag of dolly mixtures as she heads towards a car and a wonderful museum dedicated to Queen Victoria in the now defunct railway station, full of wax models and mock up royal train. Very cutesy.


I think it must be hard to survive as a business in these small villages, so fair play to them. I love the village of Ballater I have to say. The butcher's has the best meat on the planet and the shops are stocked with everything from gun cleaning fluid to fags and tartan hedgehogs.


Me and Shirley have been doing art projects, I love painting and drawing and she has been joining in and encouraging me to draw things I normally feel is out with my talent scope. I even did a landscape and auctioned it on Twitter and raised £150 for Loaves and Fishes food bank in Glasgow. Am very proud and thanks to Stephen K Amos, the food bank got some well deserved cash.


The silence is wonderful, and the scenery is stunning. I go and swim most days and just lie in the warm pool and float about, so swimming is a very elaborate excuse for what it is I actually do in the pool.


I am missing Ashley, husband and my dad of course but the break is brilliant.


Shirley on the other hand, despite being a good pal likes to scare me. She has done this in all the places we stayed from London to Boston. She can stand still in a dark corner for ages just to jump out at me...I battered my arm off the door to the sauna the other night when she did it. Yes, we have a sauna and Jacuzzi in the lodge.


I don't like sauna's as to me they are one step above water boarding.


We sit out at night on the balcony in the dense darkness and can hear nothing but some birds or animal or something making a weird noise, but it's lovely. I always look at Shirley to make sure it isn't her cawing to scare me, but it's not.


Days pass in a lovely haze of swimming, eating and sleeping surrounded by brilliant autumnal colours blazing through the windows and laughing with my pal.


This is the perfect time to relax before the busy Christmas period and as we have had this lodge for 28 years, I recall Ashley as a toddler throwing talcum down the toilet in the lodge. Ah...happy memories.


So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.


Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.



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Thursday the 9th of October 2014

10:29:00 PM

Booking a Comedy Club...hence am a promoter!

Wild Cabaret is a stunning venue in Glasgow's Merchant city.


Not your usual comedy venue that boasts a dark cellar and angry hipster barman whose girlfriend looks like a Govan version of Uma Thurman and they argue every time you try to introduce a nervous new comedian or he decides his 'mates band' are playing that night, just when you get a decent following.


The carpet doesn't smell weirdly of a deep clean from folk in hazmat suits or even stick to your feet and they have more than an angle poise lamp to light up the stage.....and you get paid in cash on the night! Weird eh?


What is going on with all this professionalism Godley? I hear you ask.

Well Glasgow boasts great comedy nights and there should be sticky carpets and angry barmen and weird lighting, that's how comedy works as well, trust me, it's where I learned my stripes playing.


But Wild Cabaret in Candleriggs is a bona fide cabaret venue with proper posh food and waiters who walk about so well dressed I constantly think they own the joint and keep suggesting new ideas about comedy to their confused faces as they try to take orders. They ignore me and smile. Bless them. I love the place.


It can be a hard thing introducing comedy to folk who are trying to order truffle laden ox blood marrow boned sausages. You are trying to explain a story about mild near death masturbation as they whisper "medium rare please" but we are getting there.


Am joking about the sausages but not about the masturbation joke as there is a white rope above the stage for those folk who dress like cats and do cabaret at the weekend, which I am assured is awesome and it keeps triggering my joke about men who choke themselves during a 'pleasure session'. Some people laugh.


Some Thursday's it's full other times it's not as busy, but we are getting a good solid crowd and it's my job to programme it and am rubbish at that part. I don't mean we haven't had good comics but I wake up at 4am in tangled sheet panicking that I haven't booked any acts that week and so grab my phone and check again and again.


Scottish comics have emailed me suggesting their availability and I forget to put them into a file to get back to them, so now people think I don't like them and you know how well liked I am to begin with, it's a vicious circle.


I am trying to make sure I get everyone on, the pay isn't stunning but at least in these climes of comedy clubs being crap at paying people, you get cash on the night.


I forget every week to announce the line up on social media and then I remember and hastily send it out 500 times just to make sure am annoying people all over the world as well as at home.


The owner of the club is brilliant and takes on board all the suggestions I come up with and even has posters of my giant face around the city centre on bill boards. 



The staff are fabulous and move between the tables like members of the CIA taking orders and rarely shake a cocktail when folk are onstage, in fact one barman shakes his thing in the side kitchen for convenience and often makes cocktails in there as well (BOOM BOOM).


We have awesome deals on like the £15 (was £30) two course meal with a glass of wine AND comedy ticket for Thursday nights. That's a cracking deal eh? If you just want comedy its £8 and you sit on beautiful seats or in a stunning booth!


There are no sight line problems and the toilets are fabulous and don't double up as the acts room, we have a great green room back stage with our own loo.


The problem is, trying to merge posh food and a beautiful room with stand up...they can be weird bedfellows but I don't see why it can't happen.


Why does comedy club food have to be fried and flung at you with cheap cutlery and plastic glasses?


Why can't we eat salmon mousse from beautiful plates and drink from crystal glasses and still laugh?


We will and we ARE! So come down to Wild Cabaret JUST COMEDY on a Thursday night, you will see half price offers on facebook and twitter.


I will be the frazzled panicky woman staring at a white rope above the stage trying to avoid a strangly wank joke.



So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.


Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.



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Thursday the 11th of September 2014

05:58:00 PM


Picture the scene, I walk out of a gig at Edinburgh fringe, it's raining and am laughing and saying goodbye to some folks and I get straight into a cab as someone shouts "Loved the show Janey" and the taxi driver asks "Are you a comedian?" I reply quite proudly "Yes I am" and I forgot in my elation that I usually don't speak about comedy in taxi's as I know what he is going to say next...I forgot and before I could think another thing I heard him say the inevitable "Do you swear?".



I have my stock answer "I don't swear anymore than the male comics or less than the local priest".



That usually makes them look into their mirror and then I hear him say "Ah...your one of those feminist women" as if the only way I could possibly answer them back is because I have a political agenda and some buckwheat sandals that I wear as I breastfeed foundlings on my lactating pendulous braless titties.



"No more a feminist than most of the male comics but usually more than the local priest, have you ever asked a male comic if he swears?" I add and hopefully this will end this painfully awkward corner we have talked our way into.



I just pull on my headphones (always great to get out of these situations) and nod to music as he mouths some shit I cannot hear but his eyebrows look knotted and angry.



I don't know why 'swearing' is something that female's have to be told not to do. Is it really that bad? Has anyone ever really hated Kevin Bridges, Frankie Boyle and Billy Connolly's language onstage to the point where they discuss with a pursed mouth?



Dara O'Briain says the word 'Feck' live on television, we all know it means 'fuck' does Dara get belittled for being an uneducated ill-informed swearer? No, he doesn't he is one of Ireland's most intelligent funny men.



So it is a class issue? I have seen very well spoken middle class English women swear in comedy and somehow it is more acceptable, especially if said by 'apparent slip of the tongue' or by the medium of a 'puppet' (see Nina Conti's filthy mouthed Monkey).



Does my swearing sound worse because I am a working class Scottish woman?



If I was a Oxbridge graduate swearing onstage would it be seen as 'urban and gritty' like a hipster getting angry at a flat tyre but in my accent does it sound really harsh and filthy and all you hear is a slovenly washer woman taking us back years with her filthy language?



Recently I attended a "Vote Yes" event for Scottish creative's.



All lovely people, authors, musicians in a Glasgow basement.



The male author swore, the musician had some choice language in his songs and not a word was spoken, but the female (who spouts the values a gender equality independence group) got up to introduce me she told the audience...



"Next up is comedian Janey Godley, she might use offensive language so if you are easily offended, please bear this in mind".



I walked to the stage so angry. I know she didn't do it to hurt me but despite being part of a gender equality group she was hardwired to apologise for a woman before that woman spoke. She never apologised after the men onstage swore. I never got that chance. The audience were told I was probably going to be offensive.



One day this will end.



So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.










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Friday the 29th of August 2014

12:36:00 PM

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 215

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)


In episode 215 of Janey Godley's podcast, the comedy duo are a day late and Ashley is so hoarse of the throat she can hardly speak. Janey discusses her choice to support the YES campaign and they both talk about the awful patronising Better Together advert that made them change their mind.


Ashley debates the US gun laws as a child shoots an instructor with a machine gun. The news that Ashley's radio pilot is broadcast on Monday 1st September on BBC Radio Scotland is met with much delight.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 215


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If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


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You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.


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Saturday the 23rd of August 2014

04:29:00 PM

Edinburgh and the rain


The rain featured heavily at this year's fringe festival, it was everywhere and everyone was talking about it. Bloody rain, doesn't need to pay PR yet gets front page news and was the word of mouth around town. I saw the rain ruin my favourite Underbelly's VIP bar The Abattoir. Am sad.


You see it doesn't matter how many minor royals attended your house party- the Scottish rain will batter you and soak your temporary garden centre for artistic type smokers and it will do it relentlessly until your ceilings bow and pretty girls in tea dresses and men in winged collars and top hats have to sit on a damp chaise lounge. I sat there as the water ran down my sad face near a petrified stuffed fox and wonky piano. It left me with trenchfoot.


It's Scottish rain, it's a sign of freedom, it will never stop until we all grow gills.


It also completely soaked the mock Tudor castle pancake/burger area at Gilded Balloon. People sat near a fake English roundhead soldier/archer in his plywood castle (no idea what that has to do with the Gilded Balloon or comedy) and they ate noodles smattered with rain.


It wasn't fun anymore and nobody could control it.


The BBC Potterow area was drenched, like the Scottish clouds somehow knew that hardly any Scottish comics featured on their big live line up shows in our own capital city and so in one last attempt at sticking two fingers up to the London BBC - it pissed gallons of water on it. Like Salmond himself was standing atop a monstrous inflatable sheep and emptying his giant bladder over the soft southern media types who insist in their blogs that we still eat deep fried mars bars and can't impregnate a panda.


The rain was awesome this year, am going to even say it was a mark of feminism (just to ensure some click bait).


But this was the year of THE FREE SHOWS.


Finally we witnessed the tremors of tingly fear of losing money from the big venue owners (this sleepless fear is normally assigned to comedians who are brought here by big London Agencies who ensure they are indentured slaves for the next six years as they work off their Edinburgh debt).


Yes some shows sold out fine, the ones with people 'aff the telly' and 'famous and young looking' did as well as can be expected. But the hundreds of other peripheral shows that prop up the rent/staff charges and are the backbone of the actual artistic end of the fringe (depending on your view) did not get the audience it expected. The FREE SHOWS were there to plug the gap.


The Free Shows were heaving and buckets were full of brown coloured Scottish notes. I went round 7 free shows on a Monday night, they were busy and watched comics rake in £90-£800 on a weekday night.


The BBC Potterow is also a 'free show' as it cannot charge for tickets therefore it's all day events sucked in thousands of people daily to its many shows. Their pay off is "we showcase many artists on the fringe and encourage people to attend shows" yes...but not if you are a Scottish comedian as they rarely had any of my Scottish comedy contemporary's on -but maybe Scottish people's licence fee cash isn't important to BBC? Who knows?


Some canny eagle eyed pundits of the fringe have said that many Scots in this year of referendum went up to The Stand ( a Scottish stalwart on the circuit and all year round Scottish comedy club) and spent their money there, in an act of spending their political pound - whilst they still have it.


I would like to find out if there is any truth in that theory and ask if the 'other side of town' got as much rain as the Bristo square area as a backup for the answer.


Me? I don't think it has anything to do with the referendum. I think for many years the fringe had outgrown its tag as the 'slightly edgy brother' to the elitist Edinburgh Festival and now has became too corporate for its own good (this has been said for many years now).


So organically as always happens in the 'arts' the FREE SHOWS have spawned their own 'freedom of expression and free to you' events and they have award winning comics to back it up.


When I mentioned FREE SHOWS on social media, people got back to me and said things like "I saw great shows and utter crap in the big paid venues but at least in the FREE SHOWS you can decide if you pay for that crap".


Some big venue owners have hit back with an amazing 'good question’.


"Well how do we know the comics collecting all that bucket cash are paying tax on it?"


My answer is two fold- if you are worried about the morals of comedians paying tax then make sure you never hire a comic who has a specific tax lawyer on their pay roll. That should salve your tax moral dilemma problems right there.


Secondly, who are you to worry about who is paying tax? Is this your new job?


So there we have it. Tax worries/ ticket worries and rain.


Next year after many years at paid venues I am coming to the fringe with a FREE SHOW.


A few reasons, we already do a podcast and ask for donations every week and the investment from people is amazing. Also I have noticed that my audience over the years are mainly older people (which is cool) with younger folk assuming my comedy is not accessible for them.


The other reason is, I want to support the FREE SHOWS and see how that grows up against the 'Fringe Festival'. Social media has changed everything, we can let people know where the gig is and even have a paypal link for shows? Who knows?


I think the FREE SHOWS would open me up to a wider age group with younger people taking more of a chance and if you listened to our podcast 'Janey Godley's Podcast' you would know my comedy is ageless and not some cupcake, knitting catalogue of grumpy observations.


So there we have it. Tremors have been felt, next year "we need a new business model for the fringe" is the latest buzz phrase.

I think we need a roof.


So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.









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