Women must never say to men-

·        Can you actually see your penis when you look down, or does your tummy hide it?

·        Is that you squealing with an orgasm or has your foot gone into a cramp during sex again?

·        Would you like to come into town and help me pick shoes?

·        Yes, I would love to watch the football with you, but only if I get to score the footballers asses out of ten for cuteness. Is the grass muddy? I love it when it sticks to their firm butts.

·        Of course I would love sex, but can you take the weight on your elbows as a punctured lung is not really considered erotic?

·        Let me pluck your eyebrows.

·        Wear this pink sweater with cats faces on and prove to everyone in the pub that you are safe in your own sexuality, or I will think you are gay and hiding it.

·        No, there is nothing wrong with me and if you can’t actually guess what is wrong with me then that’s because you don’t pay attention, and no I am not giving you a hint as to what may be wrong with me. What do you think is wrong with me?

·        I would like you to pick my outfit today for a very important meeting; I trust your fashion sense implicitly.

·        Wear a bandana and faded jeans, I loved the 80s.

·        Try on my pantyhose/tights under your jeans…just for a laugh.

Women should NEVER say any of the above, it’s evil and bad!